Through Someone Else's Eyes
by kitten4979
Summary: Different perspectives on Danny and Mary's relationship from the people around them.
1. Jake

I can't believe she said "no" to me. I got down on one knee in the middle of a casino with what felt like every red rose in the state of Nevada in my arms and proposed to her. I was at least twenty times more romantic than how _he_ proposed to her.

Okay, so maybe proposing while I was in the middle of a trial wasn't exactly the smartest idea – I'll give you that. But heck, I thought the jury was going to deliberate long enough for me to at least buy her a romantic dinner. It's not my fault the jury was early.

But I loved her. I wanted to spend my life with her. And I knew it and I wanted forever to begin as soon as possible. I didn't keep it bottled up and play stupid games with her. I never toyed with her emotions. I told her exactly how I felt about her. I knew from the first time I laid eyes on her that I wanted to be with her.

Mary is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Not just physically beautiful – this woman is the entire package. She isn't just a pretty face or a great body, she has a mind. She is bright, intelligent, funny… I mean, just being in her presence made me feel alive.

When you work as a public defender, you don't exactly meet the most savory characters in the city of Las Vegas. Some people are real scumbags. But some people are good and truly need some help. And I love my job. I'm sure everyone wonders why a "rich boy" like me would want to work such a "lowly" position, but I truly love it. I put in long hours at the office. And Mary understood that – at first.

I think she was ok with it when we first started dating. She had just broken up with… you know - a few weeks prior to our first face-to-face meeting and was getting back into the swing of things in the single life. So she would go out with Sam and Delinda and have some girls' night out thing or whatever. She was enjoying her new-found freedom and I respected that.

But then things got serious. I asked her to move in with me after our trip to my family's compound in Hawaii. I told her that if she decided not to go back to work at the Montecito, that would be fine with me – I would take care of her. I wanted to take care of her.

I mean, this girl has taken care of everyone. She's just that type of person. She's so caring, so warm. How can anyone _not _love her? How can anyone _not_ want to spend the rest of their life with her? And it looked to me that everyone took her for granted and didn't really take care of her. I know her friends all love her and were always there for her, but I mean… You know who I mean.

_He_ never seemed to care about her.

I guess if I really wanted to, I could blame my failed relationship with Mary on him. But what's the use? In the end, I lost her all on my own. I did what I said I would never do – I started to take her for granted.

I continued to put in long hours at the office even after she moved in with me. I would try to make it up to her with expensive presents – hey, it worked before with previous girlfriends until I grew tired of them. Not that I'm saying I'm saying I'm some kind of Casanova or anything.

But Mary was different.

She grew tired of me. So she went back to work at the Montecito – and was working with that guy again.

You know, he nearly ruined the entire Hawaii vacation. It was tragic, what happened. Don't get me wrong. But did he really have to call her the minute we got off the plane? God, that really pissed me off. He had her so worked up, she wanted to turn around and go back to Vegas right away to take care of him.

But he convinced her that he would be ok and that she should stay with me. Like he was doing _me_ a favor… She could barely sit still the first week we were down there. I finally threw her phone into the ocean and feigned ignorance when she couldn't find it. The trip went well after that.

Then we had to come back. She insisted on helping – fine, I'll say his damn name – Danny with his father's belongings. I played the good boyfriend. I gave a little legal advice to her to give to him.

Man, I never saw the Penny fiasco coming though.

As jealous as I am of him, no man deserves to get screwed like that – no one.

Was I jealous of him? Heck, yes. Was I threatened of him? What do you think? The woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was – hell, is still in love with another man. Maybe that's what drove me to work all those long hours.

I knew that she would never love me as much as she loves him. And that drove me crazy. It made me mad. And sad, at the same time. I knew that I wanted to be with her, but the fact that I knew in the back of my mind that she would rather be with someone else… I didn't want to deal with it.

She would always deny that she still had feelings for him. You know, I may be a guy, but I'm not blind. But I was in denial. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised that she said "no." I practically pushed her back into his arms. I still love her anyway.


	2. Delinda

I've slept with Danny – well, if you can call what we did "sleep" that is… if you know what I mean. You should have seen Danny's face when Daddy keyed into the room we were in with two of his biggest and burliest security guards. I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there in bed.

Of course I knew Danny was going to be Daddy's new protégé. I just wanted to get under Daddy's skin. Yea, yea… so at that point in time, I guess I was just using Danny. But we became pretty good friends after that.

I'm so glad Daddy didn't kill him – or at least try to. I'd be sad if he did. Danny's a good guy. He's good-looking… and he's good in bed, let me tell you… Oh, sorry. Danny is the consummate "guy's guy." He can sit back and drink beers and talk sports and cars and women with the boys. You should hear some of the conversations I've heard in that surveillance room. And they say that girls are bad? Please… obviously they've never seen Danny, Mike and Mitch watch the pool together. It's almost sad.

But he can be a real sweetheart too. He is definitely a protector. He's always there for any of us girls – especially Mary.

They've had a long history together, don't they? Going back to like grade school or something like that. Some days, I'm jealous of what they have together. They have such a special bond. The only person I've ever really had that kind of bond with was Nessa. And I don't know where she's gone…

But back to Danny and Mary. I don't think it would be right to say that I regret sleeping with him – because like I said, he is…wow. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't broken up with him. Then I see him and Mary together and I've never seen such a cute couple.

They're almost very traditional. It's refreshing to see that in this city. Everyone thinks Danny is this huge player. And that's just not true. If you talk to him and even whisper Mary's name, his eyes kind of glaze over and get kind of doe-eyed. I want to have that kind of effect on a man.

I've caught him watching her on his monitor more than a couple of times after they broke up. Like I said, Danny is a protector. But I don't think he's ever watched me or Sam or Nessa like a hawk like he does with Mary – has he? I didn't think so.

Good for Mary for trying to move on with Jake, but I can't believe Danny let her go to Hawaii with him. None of us could get him out of that funk of his. He was intolerable. We all knew that only Mary would know how to take care of him. But Jake had whisked her away for three weeks.

Did I mention that Danny can be stubborn?

Actually, both of them are at this point. It drives us crazy to see them together and not _be_ together. I don't get them. How can two people who compliment each other so well not be destined for one another?


	3. Mike

Danny is my boy. I just want to make that clear. We have been through a lot together. He's a good guy. But… that boy is either blind or stupid. Hey, maybe he's both – I don't know.

You see, Danny has a thing for the all-American girl next-door types. I noticed this during that poker tournament the Montecito held. He was kind of checking out that school teacher – who, as yours truly discovered, was a fraud. I swear I don't know how they survived in surveillance before I got up there.

Anyway, Danny? He seems to like the wholesome and pure looking types. And it's probably because of Mary. She's hot. Not really my type, but she's a good-looking girl. She's very caring and nurturing. She _is_ getting a little bossy now, though.

I was the one who took him to the airport when he got deployed to Iraq. I knew exactly where to pick him up. He had left me his car before he left. Man… that car is sweet. Anyway, the man honestly thought that I would let him take a cab and not have anyone see him off. He's stubborn, did you know that?

That last night at the Montecito before Monica imploded the place was something else. Of course, we didn't know it was Monica buying the place then. We all had assumed that Casey was going to be the new owner.

Sam quit and Nessa and Delinda took off to England. I wonder about Nessa. I wonder how she is and what she's up to. What can I say? Seeing Mary and Danny made us think that maybe not all work romances were bad. Because Danny and Delinda? Ooh… that was bad. Everyone knows not to mess around with Big Ed's daughter. But I guess Danny didn't know then.

Danny watched Mary on his monitor whenever he wasn't in the floor that last night. I kept grilling him about her trip with Jake. I mean, that man is worth a lot of money. I mean millions. I kept trying to pry into Danny's thoughts on the two of them. It baffled me that he would let her go away with another man.

But he let her go to Hawaii and all of us – me, Delinda, Sam, Mitch, Ed… we were the ones who got punished for it. That just wasn't fair.

I saw Mary watch me sing onstage with my aunt Gladys. I saw her leave and I don't think she said good-bye to Danny before she left. Man… if only that driver came to get her just a few minutes later. Jenny – Danny's girlfriend at the time – was telling him that Larry was killed in a car accident as Mary was walking out.

Those three weeks without Mary was tough. That man was unbearable. None of us could get a hold of her after the first week she was gone. It was like she shut her phone off because she got sick of hearing from us or something – very un-Mary like. But then she explained that she had lost her phone when she got back.

Did you know that Danny's eyes kind of glaze over whenever you mention Mary's name? For just a split second. And whenever he talks to her, he has a goofy grin on his face.

I have never seen a man out of a room so fast. That night Jake came in to propose to Mary. Oh man… he _bolted_ out of surveillance. It was actually kind of funny watching the President of Operations act like that.

We were watching some shady dealings going on that night on the floor when we just happened to pick up Jake getting down on one knee. Mary had moved out on Jake earlier that day. I guess he thought that proposing was a good way to apologize.

Mitch and I watched on the monitor to see what Danny was going to do. Hell, I don't know. For all we knew, he was going to ban Jake from the casino. But it looks like Mary did that on her own.

Before, I always got the feeling that Danny was the one with reservations. After she broke off their engagement, he seemed ok - a little aloof, but all right. But once Jake entered the picture, he was suddenly possessive. He was always watching them whenever they were in the casino together.

So now they're both single again. You can tell that they want to be together. But I think Mary is being the stubborn one now – and she's bossier now, too. Did I already mention that? Because she is. She used to be sweet, docile Mary. I think Danny boy has his work cut out for him.


	4. Sam

Are they married yet? They may as well be. They get all gooey eyed and lovey dovey whenever they're near each other. Ew. You know they've been stupid for each other since they were like five, right? I don't think I can even remember anyone from when I was five.

Anyway, they have this l-o-n-g history together and blah blah blah… She wants him, he wants her, they get engaged and yada yada yada... To this day, I don't know why Mary ever gave that ring back to Danny. It just doesn't make any sense. Then again, Mary _is_ a hopeless romantic. I mean _hopeless_. You'd never believe that that girl was born and raised in Las Vegas. She was probably hoping that Danny wouldn't take "no" for an answer and run after her when she walked away. Yea. We all know how _that_ ended.

Danny is a _man_. He wouldn't know romance if it smacked him upside his head. Sure, he's a notorious flirt. But when it comes down to the one-on-one mushy stuff, he's an idiot. Totally clueless. I think the most romantic thing he's ever done for Mary was take her to Los Angeles that weekend – which _I_ had to plan, by the way. Damn. I had the whole reception planned for when they got back. I was so sure that they were going to elope…

Anyway, I've never seen two people more retarded for each other. Did you know that Danny's eyes kind of glaze over and get all starry-eyed whenever you mention her name? If you ever call him on it, he denies it and says "of course I love her, she's my best friend." Whatever. She'll deny it, too. It's even worse when they interact with each other. Gag me. They get so freaking sweet, it gives me a cavity.

You know, Mike and Nessa were almost as bad. Almost.

But Mary's being bossy now. And stupid. Wait, they're both being stupid.

I have busted Danny watching her on his monitor more times than I can count. Ask Mike. He'll tell you. Or Mitch. Or even Ed. Always watching her every move on the floor. It got really bad when 'ol Jake came along. Jealousy finally reared its ugly head. Hee hee.

Those three weeks she was in Hawaii? Oh my God… I could have murdered her for leaving. But I was so glad she was back. Danny was a little snot while she was away. You know, we couldn't get a hold of her after the first week she was gone? When she got back, she had some lame story about how she lost her phone. Right, the girl was in Hawaii with her boyfriend. You do the math.

But you know Mary had to know. She had to know that it drove Danny crazy to see her with another man. But you know Mary. She gets all coy and doe-eyed if you say anything. And she blushes furiously. You'd think that after all the time she's spent with me and Delinda, she'd be less innocent. No. She's not. Still sweet virginal Mary.

That's probably why Danny is so doofy for her. For all that she has put up with from him and with him; she's still the same, incorruptible Mary. But bossier now.


	5. Danny

First of all – I'm not an idiot. I'm not blind. And I'm not stupid. I can see that Mary is a great girl. I've known this since the day I met her. She's been my best friend since we were two. We grew up together – she lived with me and my dad for a time. There is virtually nothing in Mary's life that I don't know about.

Why didn't anything happen sooner? I don't know. Why did we break up? I don't know. Why didn't I go after her? I don't _know_, okay? Maybe it was out of fear? Or shock? I don't know. So please, quit asking. I ask myself that enough these days.

And by the way, my eyes do not glaze over whenever anyone mentions her name – do they? I never really thought about it. But they don't – and I don't care what everyone says. What do you mean Mike said that? And Delinda? What about Sam? Whatever. What do they know?

You know, she was my first kiss – behind the swings in fourth grade. She… she has always been there for me. Always. She has been the one true constant in my life. She held my hand during my mother's funeral. And I… I have not always been there for her. In fact, I may go so far to say that I have been a really crappy friend to her. Really crappy.

It's… it always seemed like I was always getting deployed every time she needed me the most – to deal with her father. But it's really not my fault. Just bad timing. I beat the crap out of her father once, and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if he ever looked at her again. I am amazed every time I see her that she has become the woman that she is today – especially after what that scumbag did to her. She's amazing.

She told me that she loved me again before I deployed to Iraq. I know what it looks like. You think I just hook up with Mary before I leave for… anyway. That's not the case. Being over there… overseas… it made me realize that I love her. She was all that I could think about.

All of those bullets whizzing past my head. The thought of never seeing her again. She was all that I had. She was all that I wanted. That night, when the power went out and we were stuck in the elevator? God, that was awkward. I'd known. I had always known deep down that she was still in love with me. And I… I don't know. It was one thing to secretly know. It's another to hear her say it out loud.

I told her that I wasn't ready for the white picket fence with the dogs and the kids. Because I wasn't then. That was true. But then I came back from the war. I was a different man. I didn't know what I wanted then. But it all became so clear to me overseas. The thought of her kept me alive. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

So I proposed to her as soon as I got back. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. I knew that I wanted to be with her. But she never said "yes" to me. She always wore that ring on her right hand. I mean, how weird is that? She had professed to me on many different occasions that she loved me and when I finally decide to commit to her, she doesn't say "yes"… What the hell is that about?

In fact, she just about ripped my heart out and did the Mexican hat dance on it. But I got over it – on the outside. But then that guy… Jake. I thought he was only going to be a rebound guy for a couple of weeks, so I kept my mouth shut. Why? Because I would rather have her as my best friend than as nothing at all. So if that meant that I had to sit back and watch her be happy with someone else, I would.

Because I don't deserve her.


	6. Jillian

Danny is like a son to me. And Mary is like a daughter to me. Heck, Sam, Mike, Mitch… they're all like family to me. They're all my babies. But Mary and Danny. Those kids have been through so much together. There is a lot of history between them. It breaks my heart that they're no longer with each other.

Danny is Ed's protégé – his right hand man. He's such a good boy. Very polite, very nice, very charming… and very cute as well, I may add. Oh, that boyish, sly smile… I wish Ed hadn't have made such a big deal about him and Delinda. I mean, they're both adults. But whatever. You know, if it weren't for Mary, I'd want Danny to be with Delinda. He's such a catch.

And Mary is such a sweet, kind and compassionate girl, isn't she? I don't understand how anyone could possibly dislike her. She's so nice and pure. Very genuine. She's loved Danny all of her life, I bet. You can see it in the way she interacts with him. I don't want to say "submissive", but it seems like she's always trying to please him in a way. Or at least was. Because even though our Mary is still sweet and nice, she's starting to really stand up for herself. I'm proud of her. She turned down Jake's proposal and moved out and on with her life. An empowered woman – not as flaky as Delinda, but not as gruff as Sam. It's wearing nicely on her.

It's funny watching Danny and Mary now. They act so familiar, yet like the other is a stranger to them. There is this energy in the air whenever they're close to each other. But you get the feeling that both of them are trying to suppress it. It just blows my mind. The chemistry between them is just… I don't know. Electric. But this weird dance they're doing now? I don't know when that started. I think it was after Mary got involved with Jake.

That must have broken Danny's heart to see her with him. Not that he would ever admit it. Oh no. He's just like Ed - stubborn. I'm not really sure what she and Danny's relationship was like then. I know that Mary is a romantic at heart and was probably hoping that Danny would try to give it another go before Valentine's Day. But obviously, that didn't happen.

Delinda and Nessa – before she left to find her real father – always liked to fill me in on the gossip. I guess Jake saw her from across the room and decided that he wanted to be with her. So he bought her this lavish necklace on Valentine's Day. Kind of romantic, if you ask me – not the expensive jewelry part. Him seeing her from across the room. Right up Mary's alley.

I don't know what I would have done if I were in Mary's shoes then. I would assume that her emotions were still pretty raw after giving Danny the ring back. Goodness. That must have been hard for her. To give the man you've loved all your life the engagement ring you had always wanted from him back. I mean… that just… that just flabbergasts me.

But I think that was the beginning of a new Mary. I think that one event is truly the beginning of her evolution. She gave the ring back. Then she started dating Jake. Now, you may say that it was a step back because she left her job at the Montecito to be with Jake. But I don't. I think that she wanted to see what a life without Danny was like. As much as it pained her, I think it was something that she had to do for herself.

She had always been Danny's constant companion and confidante. He has – for the most part – always been hers as well. I think that she realized that she had morphed herself into an extension of Danny and now was the time to find out what life would be like if she wasn't.

She's just trying to find herself now. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just hope that Danny is willing to stick around to see what she's found.


	7. Mitch

All right… let me just clear one little thing up. I _do_ actually work. I don't just sit around and watch girls in bikinis lounge by the pool all day. I just want to clarify. I have a job. I work surveillance. But if I ever _have_ gotten busted doing that, it's all Mike and Danny's fault. Don't blame me. Danny's my boss. I have to do what he says.

Danny is one of the cooler bosses I've ever had. I'm not on the same buddy-buddy level that he and Mike have, but I think the three of us get along pretty well. Of course, I don't get to go on all of those fun "bust the bad guys" trips those two get to go on with Ed. But that's cool. I'll let them do all of the dirty work. Someone has to be the eyes and ears on the casino.

With that being said – I know that Danny and Mary were pretty secretive about their relationship. They weren't hiding it, but they weren't exactly flaunting it either. I think that sometimes people forget that I'm in the room or that I can watch their every move on a monitor. So forget Delinda and Sam – I _am_ the network… if you can get the information out of me.

Don't ever believe Danny when he says that he doesn't watch Mary on his monitor. He's full of it. He'll always try to change screen really quick and then try to divert your attention somewhere else. If you ask him what he was watching, he'll either get defensive or come up with some lame excuse. L-A-M-E. Mike usually pushes the envelope in chiding Danny. I don't – because like I said, I'm not a the level. So I keep quiet and that's how I can get the dirt on people.

I mean seriously. Do you really think that it's a coincidence that Danny always watches over all of the special events at the casino? Please. He assigns himself those events. Mike's stopped asking if he could help or get that assignment every once in a while. Because the answer is usually "no" unless something major happens.

Don't get me wrong. Danny is a good at his job. He's good at watching Mary like a hawk too. If he's not with her during the event, you bet your ass he's in surveillance watching on the monitor.

Then there are some times when he truly isn't watching for her. And those are the times when things get juicy gossip-wise. Like the night Jake came to the casino to propose to Mary. Whoa, buddy… I've never seen a man run out of room so fast. Okay, okay… so it was kind of my "fault" for showing it on the monitor. Heh heh heh… totally worth it, though. Ask Mike. Man, we wished we had popcorn that night. And some Junior Mints. The entire surveillance room gathered around the monitor like we were watching a silent movie.

So Danny tear-asses out of the room. He flies down the stairs – we all are watching this on the edge of our seats – as Jake is getting down on one knee in front of Mary. Yea, I know. We were supposed to be watching the comic book convention, but this was better. We were placing bets as to whether or not Danny was going to jump over the railing to stop the proposal. Unfortunately, he didn't. So I was out twenty bucks.

Obviously, Mary said "no" to Jake. Then she went back to her suite that she reserved that morning. Again, I know we were supposed to be watching the convention. So Danny went to her room and again, we started taking bets. Yes, someone did note that Delinda was in the room with Mary already. We started taking crazy bets then. It's Danny, for crying out loud. If anyone was going to be able to talk his way into… anyway. I think I've said too much. The conclusion - again, I was out twenty bucks. I lost forty bucks that day because Danny didn't step up. Well, I guess he did in his own way. And a least that's a step towards a reconciliation with Mary.

With all that they've been through together, it is kind of stupid that they're not a couple anymore. They compliment each other really well. She's getting a little bossy now. But I think it's attractive on her. I just hope they get back together soon because I think Danny is running out of excuses as to why he watches her all the time.


	8. Ed

I don't have time for this crap. I have a business to run. Can't you go ask someone else? Oh, so you've already interviewed everyone but me and Mary now? Well, why can't you go ask her questions now? What do you mean 'you can't find her'? She's redhead, for Christ's sakes. How do you lose a redhead in a crowd full of blonds, brunettes and blue hairs? Fine. Whatever. What do you want to know?

First of all, Delinda is not for Danny. She never was and she never will be. Look, I love my daughter very much, but they're just not right together. Danny needs someone stable. He needs someone who understands him. He needs someone he can talk to. He needs a soul mate. And he's had that someone in his life all of his life. He just needs to wake up and realize it. All of us have known for years. We just can't understand why the kid bothers trying to find someone else.

Danny has loved this Mary all his life. It just seems that Danny and Mary are the only ones who don't know this fact. He may try to tell you that she's just his best friend and so on and so forth. He'll give you excuse after excuse after excuse as to why he watches her on his monitor all the time. But don't believe a damn lie he tells you. Yes, it is true that she is his best friend and has been since they were kids. I know a little about their long history together. She has always been there for him. Maybe not entirely when his father died, but can you blame the girl? For the first time in her life, she was trying to lead a new life without him in it. And we all see how that worked out.

Jake was not for her. He never was and he never will be. It's just that Mary is a simple girl – and I don't mean that in a condescending way at all. I just mean that she doesn't need all the glitz and glamour. All she wants is a man to love and cherish her. Now, I don't think that's asking for too much. And I don't think Jake understood that. Rather than cut back on his work hours and spend time with her, he tried to buy her love with expensive jewelry and trips. And like I said – she just doesn't need that. Mary is like my Jillian. She just wants you to spend some time with her. And let her know that she is the most important thing in your life.

I will give Jake this - the one thing he did do right was whisk her away to his house with the white picket fence she always dreamed of and let her take care of him. That's it. I'm sure he appreciated being taken care of, but I don't know if he fully appreciated her until she was gone. That seems to happen a bit with her. I don't think I even fully appreciated her until the Montecito reopened without her.

Mary is the sweetest girl you will ever meet. She genuinely cares about everyone in her life and wants to take care of them. Like when Mike got mugged. Man, that girl got bossy while I was gone. But anyway – she is always there for any of us. She's a nurturer. And it is very apparent when Danny is involved.

Anyone who has ever seen her interact with Danny can tell just by looking at her that she's loved him all her life. All her life. And I mean love as in she wanted the white picket fence with him and no one else. 

Why do I think she gave the ring back then? Simple. Because she was scared. Let's say that you've wanted someone all of your life. And that all your life, you've told yourself that you would never have them. And then one day, after the one that you want returns from a long journey – they're yours. And before you can even get over the shock of having them, they are trying to persuade you to start the life you had always wanted with them right away. Sure, you're happy at first. You're ecstatic. The problem is – at least I think with Mary – she was never sure if he truly loved her. She began to doubt herself. And him. And eventually, them as a couple.

Do I think Danny was genuine in his proposal? Yes, I do. Do I think he was right to propose right away? Well, you know… I think it is sad that it took a war for him to realize how much he loves Mary. But I can't say that I blame him. Being shot at and being under fire and stress makes a man realize things he'd never even thought of before. Do I think he's a fool for letting her give the ring back and letting her walk away? You're damn right I do.

Mike told me where he picked Danny up at the last night he was here before shipping out. And to tell you the truth, I was relieved that Mike found him there. Mary always had that calming effect on Danny. And he was always her protector. Now she wants to be independent and he wants… I have no idea what he wants. Hell, I don't think he even knows what he wants.

It pisses me off to no end now that they're avoiding each other. They can barely stand to be alone in same room now. It drives me insane. How can I run a business when two integral players want nothing to do with each other but want to be together? They're both being stupid and stubborn. 


	9. Mary

**AN: I'm calling this complete for now. I have run out of creative juices for this story, but may pick at it again at a later date...**

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Danny McCoy. Danny, Danny, Danny… What is there for me to say about him that hasn't already been said? He's been my best friend since we could walk or talk. But I'm guessing that's not what you all want to hear…

Well, I'm sure that everyone has already told you that I've loved him all of my life. And they wouldn't be entirely wrong for saying that. Hey, there was a time when Danny McCoy was not a part of my life. Do I remember any of it? Well, no. I was a newborn then. But the point is my life has not always revolved around Danny McCoy… just that most of it has.

It's really difficult for me to really explain everything that's happened between us. Well, difficult for me, maybe not so much for him. Oh? You've already talked to him? What did he say? Wait, no. Don't tell me. I don't think I can deal with it right now.

Danny's always been my protector. My knight in shining armor. He and his dad protected me from my own father. And I'm grateful for that. They didn't have to, but they did. I lived with the McCoy men and took care of them while they took care of me. Danny's mother had passed away, so all they had were each other. And they could not cook to save their souls. So when I moved in, I took care of them to repay them for taking me in. Larry McCoy was the closest thing I've ever had to a real father.

I should have been there with Danny when Larry passed away. I shouldn't have gone to Hawaii with Jake. That was stupid. Like I said, Larry was the closest thing I'd ever had to a real father. I tried to help Danny when I got back, but he acted like he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He kept blowing me off. And that hurt, you know?

I don't know… I mean… I gave him the ring back, but that didn't mean that I didn't love him. I was just… confused. I was scared. I replay that night in my head over and over as I lay in my bed at night. Part of me wishes that I hadn't given the ring back. Yet the other part is glad.

I had to know.

I had to know if he truly wanted me. And seeing that I go to bed alone at night… I guess we all know the answer to my question, huh? But look at it this way. If you were me, would you rather blindly live your dream life but always have a seed of doubt in the back of your mind? Or would you rather risk it all and find out the truth – good, bad, or ugly? Obviously, I go the ugly answer.

Anyway, am I intentionally pushing him away? I don't know. Maybe. He's always pushed me away when I got too close. Maybe I'm subconsciously doing the same to him as revenge. I don't know. When I turned down Jake's proposal, Danny offered to let me stay at his place. And I told him that he didn't always have to come rescue me. Stupid, stupid Mary. Either I'm really good at pushing him away or really bad. He's barely spoken to me since that night.

I'd always imagined us with the white picket fence and Sunday dinners with Larry. And kids. Two. A boy and then a girl. And a dog. A golden retriever, to be exact. We were happy. We were in love. I had this whole dream wedding planned out, too. I've had it planned since the day he kissed me behind the swings. Everything was going to be perfect. We were going to grow old together and sit in rocking chairs on the porch and watch our grandchildren frolic around the yard.

When Jake proposed, all I could see was Danny's face. I loved Jake. But it wasn't the same love I've always had for Danny. You don't just stop loving someone. Danny was always in my thoughts and my heart. He still is. But I don't think anything is ever going to happen again. I think I've shut the door on any possibility of reconciliation. And I didn't mean to.

Heck, some days I don't know if we can even be friends again. He won't look at me. And sure as hell won't touch me. I can't remember when the last time he kissed me on my forehead was. It's like I don't even exist to him anymore.

I thought I wanted to try a life without him. I thought I wanted to try to move on. But this is absolute agony. I don't know if I can stand this. Being without him.


End file.
